Nostalgia, Styx, and the Meaning of Life
I figured it out too late.
I was sitting in the McDonald’s drive-through when “Too Much Time On My Hands” by Styx played over the radio. For a season of my life, this was my favorite song. I have good memories of that part of my life. I was twenty and had two under two years old. I remember dancing around the kitchen with my baby on my hip, singing as loud as possible, volume on full blast, while I cleaned my mother’s house.
I liked the song because it seemed to explain something I was struggling with. It was such a lame struggle, if you can even call it one. I didn’t understand that. I was bored and didn’t want to be stuck at home. It caused intense inner conflict, battling inside myself between my desire to be a good mother and love my family, and my youthful immaturity. I longed for the freedom that felt suddenly restrained when life first entered the family stage. What a simple thing to struggle with, right? The song resonates with the idea.
“Too much time on my hands, it’s ticking away with my sanity… hard to believe such a calamity..” I thought, Well, ain’t that right…
It never occurred to me that I was too (immature?) young. Although, it doesn’t look like that occurs to anyone. In retrospect, I see my general perception at that time as very similar to that of a child who’s been grounded. One who watches their friends play through the living room window, wishing they could go out. Or, maybe like a child that doesn’t want to go to bed because they’re certain they’ll miss something exciting.
Too much time on my hands …
I mean, how ironic is that? If I had only known how little time we truly had, or what exactly it was that I would miss out on…
I wish I had appreciated life. I wish I had stopped and taken time to be happy, to enjoy where I was, and to love the people around me. No controversy is significant enough to justify the loss. No drama or argument, no amount of so-perceived “freedom” — I should have let it all go so that I could just enjoy being with them.
No one ever knows exactly how valuable it is, though, right? Getting caught up in the moment, engaged in the conflict, and surrounded by the circumstances is easy. It takes more work to see through those things or be happy in them. I think everyone experiences that.
I wonder if that’s part of what Ecclesiastes is trying to say.
Ecclesiastes 5:16–19 NIV — This too is a grievous evil: As everyone comes, so they depart, and what do they gain, since they toil for the wind? All their days they eat in darkness, with great frustration, affliction and anger.
This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them — for this is their lot.
Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil — this is a gift of God.
Maybe that’s the whole point: to live in happiness. Perhaps that’s what God is sending us after. Maybe He expects us to figure out how to live and enjoy life despite all the challenges because we are blessed with it, and the blessing is only temporary.
Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV — So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.
What a lot of thought to get out of a Styx song.
